Out of Character: I was killing time browsing the fun world of /r/. While there I came across a lengthy post about a guy who turned down a girl's advances. The situation was not all that uncommon at your given pub or bar. Average guys sees attractive girl, executes a well timed approach (in this case, while waiting for a drink at the bar), and engages in a conversations after drinks had been retrieved. The conversation went on and the two learned they had many things in common: music, movies, past times, and the like. The girl then pops the question, "Are you going to buy me a drink?"
This is a terrible question that no man wants to hear. Guys love it; men hate it. The difference? A guy is male who has a goal of seeking out a woman for sex that evening. He wears his Ed Hardy tees, roughed in Guess jeans, and the cleanest pair of work boots you've ever seen. Guys drink to boost their confidence enough to engage women and believe that offerings of liquor is the direct path to naked, genital bumping sleep over; men are gentlemen. They exude confidence. They guys or men around them feed off of his presence. Men put their values ahead of opportunity. Hopefully this distinction does help in understanding why men don't like this question.
Men like conversation. They like learning about the woman they're talking to. Pets, past times, and peeves, nothing is missed. All the while he is thinking about two things. First, what is his escape route incase the situation gets pear shaped. Second, how does he make her feel like the most important woman in the building and seal the deal with a good night kiss and a future date. All this is going on in a gentleman's head as the conversation progresses. When a woman asks about the drink she is doing a few covert things. "Is he willing to pay for things (i.e., what is his financial standing)? Does he do what I ask or request (exertion of control)? If he does, does he get me what I asked for?" All of this in one simple question.
Men are based on values. Chivalry is a value that is held dear. Men asked this question are not denying chivalry when they don't oblige the request for free booze. Women who have the goal of a good time out can easily extort free alcohol from the numerous guys in the clubs. Yet, women seem to fail to tell the difference between a man and a guy. This leads to women claiming a ruined night because some asshole didn't dash to the bartender asking for that rye and ginger. It's unfair to put us men in the same category as the throngs of guys lurking around the dance floor.
If we don't want to buy you a drink it isn't because we're cheap, spiteful, think you're unattractive, snooty, or what-have-you. Us men don't buy you a drink because we believe that it signifies the end of the conversation. Once that precious resource is gathered, you women walk away because of a pressing engagement with your friends that you've been neglecting. So, don't ask us. Because a guy will offer a drink when you've already got a full one in your hand. A man will offer you a drink when you're almost empty or when he wants to preserve the conversation. Finally, men are interested in you and not just your vagina. Drink or no drink, a conversation can remain rich and stimulating. Guys want you liquored up so the distinction between person and vagina are diminished.
In the end, our man in this story was called out for being disrespectful and labeled an asshole because he believed what all gentleman believe. A woman is worth what she can carry. If she is unable to carry a conversation due to being needy then a man won't be bothered. Women, don't be like this. Understand that some of us are there to learn more about you and make your night special, even if you don't give us a date, a kiss good night, or even your number. Gentlemen are a dying breed, but that's due to the evolution of the bar-scene. If women start seeking our the gentleman again the bars will soon repopulate with men.
I will offer a drink, but I will never buy one if asked to. It's a value that I stand by. And I put my values in front of opportunity.
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